First Quarter Report Card (Outfield and Utility)

First Quarter Report Card for Relief Pitchers and the grading scale can be found here.

First Quarter Report Card for Starting Pitchers can be found here.


Ryan Braun

Player Runs Homeruns RBI SB OBP
R. Braun 23 8 28 2 .406

Braun has been solid—he is on pace for a 162 game output of 92/32/112/8/.406.  That said, for the first pick of the draft, I am hoping for some larger counting numbers (in Braun’s defense he has missed some time with a bad neck, so, hopefully, his counting stats will end up being higher). The stolen base numbers are a bit troubling, especially since he has been thrown out five times already (last year, the Hebrew Hammer only got thrown out seven times in 37 attempts).

Josh Hamilton

Player Runs Homeruns RBI SB OBP
J. Hamilton 19 5 12 1 .271

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Looking at Hamilton’s stats each day gives me the same sense of unease that I get before I go to a public bathroom in Southeast Asia.  At this point, my expectations are rather low so for the most part nothing is too shocking (although, Hamilton’s 0 for 8 game was an unpleasant surprise, as was that hole in the ground in central Vietnam that looked and smelled like a multiple victim crime scene).  Hopefully his sinus situation clears and he realizes that the plate is only 17 inches wide.

B.J. Upton

Player Runs Homeruns RBI SB OBP
B.J. Upton 11 3 6 3 .239

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I was optimistic that B.J. could come close to a 30/30 campaign this season; however, I never expected the 30s to represent runs and RBI.  Let’s discuss how craptastically awful Upton has been. Extrapolating his numbers over a full season gives us a line of 44/12/24/12/.237. We’re talking ineptitude of epic proportions here. He is dead last in the majors in average with a microscopic .143, which is almost 30% below the Mendoza Line. At this point, Mario is probably checking the stats in some random Mexican beach town with a Corona in his hand and laughing about the Upton Line (soon enough we may need to change the name of this site). Upton is also fifth from the bottom in on-base percentage.  He is currently ranked 999 by Yahoo!, easily making him the least effective player taking up roster space in my league.  Needless to say, he has been on the bench for the past few weeks.  The only positive here is that Upton can’t play any worse.

Carl Crawford 

Player Runs Homeruns RBI SB OBP
C. Crawford 26 5 11 8 .355

Crawford has been the Killers primary source of steals, which is a lot of weight to put on his 31 year old legs.  He is getting on base at the second highest clip of his career.  By hitting leadoff, he has not had many RBI opportunities.  Although Crawford only has one three-bagger this year, he is MLB’s active leader in triples (yet only stands 108th all time).

Lance Berkman

Player Runs Homeruns RBI SB OBP
L. Berkman 20 3 25 0 .423

Berkman’s overall performance has been decent.  He is fifth in the league in on-base percentage, which has certainly helped the OBP-deprived Killers.  Fat Elvis looks like he should be launching moonshots while hammered on Old Milwaukee during the management versus employee softball game/grudge match at the annual company picnic.  So it comes as a bit of a surprise that his slugging days appear to be over.  Dating back to opening day 2012, Berkman has hit just five long balls in his last 260 plate appearances.

Michael Cuddyer

Player Runs Homeruns RBI SB OBP
M. Cuddyer 18 7 23 3 .383

Cuddy Wise has been a good pick-up.  When he is on the field he has put up great numbers, to the tune of a 162 game average of 94/37/120/16/.383.  He has been sidelined for the past few weeks with a bulging disk in his neck.  I can sympathize with Cuddyer, as I had a similar ailment a few years ago.  OK, it wasn’t that similar—I pinched a nerve in my neck when I fell asleep awkwardly while watching TV.

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