Cereal Update

In honor of BJ Upton’s golden sombrero in the Braves’ second game of the season,

I offer four thoughts on the first week of the Cereal Killers’ season:

1. Every fantasy sport has its annoying/agonizing moments.

In football, it is going into Monday night with a single digit lead and no players remaining while your opponent has his number one RB/WR and/or QB still to play (I find it even more annoying if my opponent hasn’t taken the lead by half-time because I really can’t enjoy the rest of the game).

With fantasy hoops, it is trying to juggle your line-up so that you can get the right allocation of stats and then watching one player so dramatically and unexpectedly underperform that all the number crunching was for naught (I am talking to you Josh Smith—it is called the charity stripe for a reason!!).

“Hahaha…I laugh in the face of your pathetic statistical analysis..Me? Shoot .660 from the line?..BBBWWWAAAHHHAAAHAAA!!!”

In baseball, few things are worse than having the team of one of your closers be up by three in the top of the eighth only to see that lead widen to four (thus eliminating the save opportunity), yet your guy enters in the ninth and gives up two runs.  Thanks for sharing Cishek!!

“Glad I could help.”


2. We are one week into the season and my fears about BJ Upton’s on-base percentage appear to be well-founded.  It only took until the fifth game for Bossman Junior to get his first hit.  That said, he has given us this:

Cracks me up every time.

3.  Many of the aces came up big in their first starts; unless, of course, they are starring for the Killers.  Of the first twenty SPs off the board in our draft, eleven did not give up a run in their first start of the season (Kershaw (who hasn’t been scored upon in his first two starts), Verlander, Strasburg, King Felix, Cain, Cliff Lee, Yu, Gio, James Madison Bumgarner, Sale and Greinke).  As you may have noticed, no Cereal Killers were among those eleven.  Of the first 20 SPs selected, Hamels has the highest ERA (9.00) and Waino is tied for the third highest ERA (4.50).   Teheran’s ridiculous spring did not cross over into the regular season as he got blasted by the Cubs (the bloody CUBS!!) to the tune of five earned runs in five innings.  Josh Johnson was underwhelming in his first start as well (4.50/1.83).  Thankfully, Harvey (maybe I knew what I was doing when I made this pick (and only this pick)) and Cobb threw 7.0 and 7-1/3 scoreless innings, respectively.  My current team ERA is 4.20 and my WHIP is 1.30, both of which are second to last (only the poor guy with Haren and Axford has a higher ERA and WHIP).  It can only get better, right?

4. I think we are all guilty at some point in our fantasy lives of extrapolating a very small sample size over a much longer period to arrive at a ridiculous outcome (I remember when I was twelve back in 1986, Kirby Puckett was crushing the ball that April, to the tune of eight dongs in 21 games and a .398 average, and I thought he had a chance to hit 60 HRs and bat .400 (he ended the season with 31 jacks and .328 average, not too bad, but certainly not the numbers I was expecting)).  So, I hate to burst your bubble, but Chris Davis is not going to knock in 550 runs and Justin Upton will not go yard 162 times.  On the flip side, let’s hope Josh Hamilton does not hit .050 for the season with 64 RBI and no homeruns and that the six Killers (you know who you are) with an OBP of less than .300 get it together (on second thought, let’s see if Shaq’s public shaming approach works–come on, V-Mart, Dunn, Beltre, Hamilton, Upton and Revere–I’m only calling you out to motivate you).  And I forgot to mention, Braun has missed the last two games because he can’t turn his head.  Not the start I had anticipated.

Standings: Cereal Killers are in 10th place (out of 10!), 10.5 points behind ANSKY for ninth place and 41 points!#$@!!! behind Hackers for first.

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